YES. I could totally watch a whole episode of him commenting on humanity or whatever else I don’t even need more than that it’s compelling enough by itself.
"The bad part is, you have to be careful when you share all the bad with your girlfriends. Because YOU may forgive him, but we don’t, honey. That’s the thing. If he screwed you over, he screwed me over, because you’re my girl. So you have to be careful with the level of bad that you share with your girls. Because you forgive, but oh honey, mama don’t."
People asking babies to undertake adult workloads is one of my favourite things
And he’s just looking like, “Fuck out my face. Teletubbies is on, and you blocking the screen.”
i never realize how much i swear until i’m in a situation where i can’t
me as a parent
there has never been a cool person called eugene
when im dead sext me through a ouija board
I want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but I’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza.
a plus-side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and i will not judge you because i will also be in my pajamas
50 shades of shut the fuck up about this book i’ve read better smut written by virgin teenagers for free
*at job interview* Oh yes, my criminal record? The only thing illegal I’ve done is absolutely KILLIN it on the dancefloor. Haha, just kidding! I have killed a man